Party Lines

Best time of my life, my uni days. I wouldn’t them swap for the world.

You went to university? You kept that quiet. 

Oh, I’m a secret super-spod, I am, DeeDee. Just because I’m a stay-at-home Mum doesn’t mean I didn’t have a brain, once upon a time. 

Ha, ha. If you say so, Laura. I am impressed. Here’s me-can’t add up to 17 without a calculator. Thick as two planks. And there’s you…What did you study?

Oh goodness, don’t ask. Honestly, I can’t remember. Too busy having a fantastic time… 

Sounds such fun. I would have loved to have gone to college…

Everybody should go. It’s actually outrageous what this government is doing. To our kids. It’s not like we haven’t already paid enough on bloody school fees.

It’s one thing after another. 

Feels like we’re under siege. We got this new government in-by hook or by crook. Everything was going to be OK. But they’re even bigger lefties than the last ones. 

We should have known not to trust them when they put that ban on drinking champagne. Remember? So busy trying to look like “men of the people”.

And don’t even get me on the child benefit…

Oh! Apparently raising our children for the good of future society and supporting our families by staying at home is worthless. In the new “Fair” Society.

It’s one big “Eff You” (excuse my Italian) for the stay-at-home Mums. 

Fairness, my foot. What about the welfare scroungers? They should go after them. 

What about the immigrants?

And the bankers?

And all these quangos?

And the prisoners. Put the prisoners to work. Get them making us money instead of stealing it.

And the NHS managers.

And the foreign doctors.

And all this human rights nonsense.

And the elf’n’safety thingummies. 

And the teen mums on housing benefit.

In the middle of Belgravia. Excuse me. I can’t afford to live in Belgravia-can you? Why should we pay for Mohammed and his 73 wives and 98 children…

Who can’t speak a word of English.

Oh, if they gave me the keys to that Treasury office, I would clear the so-called “deficit” in half an hour.

Of course you could. But never mind common sense. Let’s just go after the Mums, why don’t we? 

And I know it’s not much. But that little bit of extra cash…

I just whack it straight in the old bank account. Frankly. Into the pit it goes. I’m not even certain…

No but it’s the principle. We’re Mums, we do our bit. Why shouldn’t we get money for it? 

They just don’t get it. 

I swear-if it carries on like this, I’m voting Labour next election. Mark my words. Or BUPA. Whatever it’s called. 


At least they probably believe in Mums.

Anyone’d be better than this lot. 

Underrated: Abroad

The ravenous longing for the infinite possibilities of “otherwhere”

The king of cakes

"Yuletide revels were designed to see you through the dark days — and how dark they seem today"