Party Lines

Our columnist hears growing noises of dissent on taxing the rich...

Daisy Waugh

It’s obscene. When you actually STOP. You know? And actually take the trouble to THINK about it.

But people don’t, do they?

They don’t think.

They don’t understand.

“Won’t” understand, Di. Not “don’t”. Too  jealous. 

And chippy. The English are very chippy.

They despise success. It’s the English disease, isn’t it. ” La Vice Anglaise.” 

Ooh! I thought that was something quite different.

It ought to be called the 50 per cent Jealousy Tax.

Actually I thought “La Vice Anglaise” was about whipping and leather and rubber and all that…What was that guy called? The Nazi guy — Moslem, Mosborne, Murdoch — who got caught in the basement with  the hookers? And then the papers caught him —

Don’t tell me! They probably hacked into his phone calls!

HaHaHa. Touché!

Nothing surprises me these days!

Who was the guy then? It wasn’t José Mourinho, was it? He’s too gorgeous! 

I don’t know. The point is — we’ve got the super rich saying they want to be taxed more — if you can believe them.

Yes. Very funny!

We’ve got the “squeezed middle”, quote unquote.

That’ll be us, then.

It’s everyone, Di. Except for Buffy. Booffet? Warren Booffet. Whatever. We’ve got the “squeezed middle”, taxed up to the eyeballs. Paying 50 per cent on — I don’t even know! Do you? What’s the threshold?

No idea Susie. I just know we’re in it!

Who isn’t in it?

Frankly.

But it reaches the point, doesn’t it — and this is what Ed Miliband and his chums —

What is wrong with that man’s voice? Someone’s got to tell him — if he just blew his nose it would probably help. Probably quadruple his vote share overnight!

What Ed Miliband won’t accept —

Or hang on. Is that the brother? Which one’s which? I get muddled. You’re talking about the one with the funny voice?

That’s right. The one who won. If he and his chums won’t accept the damage their poisonous tax system —

The other one’s much better looking.

I’m only saying —

Oh, come on! You’ve got to admit! The other one’s gorgeous!

Not to me. No.

Are you kidding me? He’s a bunny!

Left-wingers just don’t do it for me, Di. Sorry. They never have.

All right….What about…Imran Khan? He’s sexy! No question. And I’m pretty sure he’s a leftie.

If we could just be a little bit serious for a tiny moment. We’re talking about taxation for taxation’s sake. In this day and age. In this country. That’s what we have here. Punitive taxation-

Puni-whattie?

And personally, I don’t want to bring up my kids in a country that punishes success.

Ooh, me neither! Nigel says if things get any worse, we’re literally going to hop it…He says there are some fabulous opportunities opening up in Dubai.

Well. Of course there are!

I’m rubbing my hands together, Susie! Hike the old tax rate up to 80 per cent for all I care! We’ll bung the kids in boarding school they’ll love it! And Nigel and me can soak up the rays in sunny Dubai!  How about that?

Funnily enough — David was muttering about Singapore…

Oh my God! I know SO MANY people in Singapore! The whole thing! Seriously, it’s just One Big Party!

And that’s what people like the Milibands don’t get. Tax “the rich” too highly-

It wasn’t Ken Livingstone, was it?

Wasn’t what?

In the sex basement? It’s driving me nuts.

I told you. I don’t know. And by the way, when I say “rich” that is very much in quote-unquote marks…because you and I are certainly not “rich”. Not in any meaningful sense. 

 Speak for yourself, Susie!

Not like Warren Bouffet.

Ha! No! Chance would be a fine thing.

But you keep on and on squeezing people like us-Nigel-and Rupe-and-David. And —

Everyone, really.

And guess what? We’re just going to up sticks and leave the country.

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