Summer Holidays

Daisy Waugh eavesdrops on the chattering classes’ summer travails

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Good summer, Lulu?

Not really, since you ask. Think I spent the whole ruddy thing in A&E. 

Not you too! I was thinking I ought to set up a tent there. Theo’s in and out of that place like a… like a…

Thing that goes in and out of a place! 

Ha ha! That’s right! 

First Eliza. Cut her lip jumping into Laura’s swimming pool.

Oh no!

Next up — Alfie. Mucking about on Ollie’s quad bike, if you please…

Eek! 

Double eek. His big toe’s swollen up like a football.

Silly nit!

Then it was Eliza again. Fell off the trampoline. 

Ouch! Theo cracked a rib doing that. Was she all right? 

After the 75-hour wait — and the vending machine out of order…Yes, she was…

Thank goodness!

Mind you, I insisted on an MRI. They weren’t going to give it to me. Kicked up an almighty…I dropped every name under the sun…

Good for you!

Anyway, so eventually they caved in. Had to wait bloody hours of course…

We’ve got a little game we play…We call it the NHS waiting room game.  

Oh yes?

It’s absolutely hilarious. Theo goes up to every person in the waiting room. And he asks them a simple question…”Excuse me, do you have the time?” Then he counts how many of them can actually answer him in English!  

Ah, ha ha! None, I should think!

Well that’s right, Lulu. This is what we’re dealing with ,isn’t it? All this talk about NHS cuts, but it’s not the NHS that needs to be cut. It’s the bloody WHS! World Health Service, Lulu.

Oh! Right. All the foreigners…It’s not only them, though, is it? It’s everyone. Fat, thin, old, young…I mean, I’m all in favour of free-at-the-point-delivery…

Or whatever. 

But it’s just got out of hand. These people seem to expect to live forever. No sense of personal responsibility. No sense of how much they’re costing the economy. No sense of putting something back. Nothing. They just sit there. In these waiting rooms… 

Clogging everything up…

It’s the fat ones that really wind me up.

And the smokers. 

Obviously. 

And actually — I know I shouldn’t say it — but the old ones. I mean…Half of them…It’s not like half of them even want to go on living…

Of course they don’t! Why would they?

And yet they’re costing us a fortune! 

Because of the advances in medicine. That’s the other problem. So many drugs being available…

Free!

People simply live too long.

They do.

If people died a bit earlier…

The big “IF”!

Anyway, how was your summer?