Euro Moan

As another Eurocrisis erupts, Daisy Waugh hears that we should get out. But of what, exactly?

Daisy Waugh

If there’s one thing in this world that makes me want to scream-
Don’t even say the words!
European Bailout.
Don’t you agree?
Don’t I agree? When I think what we could do with that sort of money here at home!
NHS waiting lists-and everything…Plus our trade deficit-do I mean trade deficit?
Balancing the books!
That’s right. And everything else, too… More bobbies on the beat.
Decent remedial classes for prisoners.
Never mind.
I’m being a twit…How about getting the roads working…?
Don’t get me on the roads! That pothole-you know the one I mean, don’t you-just as you’re turning into the kids’ school-
Coming which way?
It doesn’t matter-I’m just saying. We can’t even afford to mend the potholes outside our kids’ schools-you know?-and they could actually be biking over them, on the bikes….Knocking their teeth out. Meanwhile we’re signing away billions…
To a bunch of idiots on the Continent.
Because they spent all their money mending their own potholes, I should think.
Why should we bail them out?

It’s true though, isn’t it? Go to France, they’ve got fantastic roads. Really smooth.
I’ll just bet it’s the same in Portugal.
I bet it is. And Ireland.
The smoother the Irish!
Ah ha ha! Very good Emily! Ve-ry good!
I never wanted to be in the euro anyway!
Nor me. Thank God we’re not.
I mean eurozone. Do I mean eurozone?
I’m not completely sure. To be honest with you. Do we know what it means? Does it mean we’re in the euro? Or in Europe?
Or in the EU?
Or in the zone of Europe but not actually in it?
God knows. The fact is we’re definitely somewhere in the bloody “zone” because I don’t suppose the Irish and Portuguese and whoever are turning to Madagascar to help them pay their debts!
Ha ha. Or the Ivory Coast!  
They should pay their own stupid debts.
Hear, hear!
We’ve got problems of our own.
I think we should pull out of it, if you ask me.
Pull out of what?
The whole euro thing. Costs a fortune. And then you have these MEPs in Brussels, claiming for prostitutes on expenses. Christ! We thought we had problems with our own MPs! It’s like a Roman orgy out there.
Mind you-it is rather convenient, isn’t it? Because you can go skiing at Easter and then, you know, just keep your euros in a separate pocket in your wallet, let’s say. And then, when you go to France in the summer -you don’t need to go to the cashpoint! That really is super. I do like that.
Oh I’m all for the cashpoints. Absolutely.
Very convenient.

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