Party Lines

What to do about Granny? Daisy Waugh eavesdrops

I blame our culture. Frankly.

Me too.

We are so hung up about “death”.

“Death”! Even the word is so… 

It’s like it’s…

Whereas, in fact… 

What nobody seems to get about “death” is that it’s completely natural!

As natural as — I don’t know — breathing.

Plus you know what the Eskimos do?


Well… at a certain stage, the women, they just sort of surrender. Put on a woolly coat and go out and “die”. Like the elephants. 


Because they understand what we in the West simply won’t accept…

Death is part of life.

Eskimo women understand on a very spiritual level when they’ve served their purpose.


I think so. 

I wish… 

What, sweetie? Are you all right?

David and I are “at the coal face” on that “issue” at the moment. David’s mother

I thought she was dead!

No. You probably thought so because, bless her, she did give us lots of money.

Good for her.

But back then, they’d diagnosed her with cancer. We assumed she’d left it too late.

But she hadn’t?

Thank God! We thought we were going to get hit with a socking great tax bill. But no! Got past the seven-year glitch…


Trouble is, that was two years ago…she’s sold the igloo. Ha, ha. And now…the place she’s in. I mean it’s lovely. Very caring…


It’s not that!

Of course not!

And I wouldn’t mind — not a bit — if I actually believed she enjoyed life. 


Why would she? Laura, it’s too cruel! She just sits there! She can’t remember the kids’ names. Plus, she freaks them out. They won’t visit her. They say she smells of old people!

Ha, kids!

And it makes you wonder…What was it that little writer chap said? The other day? 


He wanted “passing away” kiosks on the high streets…


And yes, maybe on the high streets is a bit gloomy. But a travelling kiosk…It could be one of the “services provided”. Don’t you think? There’d be massive demand. 

I bet half of them are longing for it.

And we could all be there for them. 

Make it a lovely, dignified ceremony… 

Very spiritual…

We could learn from the Eskimos. 

I’m not saying I know all the answers. 


But it breaks my heart, her sitting there, wishing she wasn’t freaking the poor kids.

Life is for the living!

Pissing my money down the drain

Underrated: Abroad

The ravenous longing for the infinite possibilities of “otherwhere”

The king of cakes

"Yuletide revels were designed to see you through the dark days — and how dark they seem today"