Party Lines

Nobody cares about the Royal Wedding — much

Daisy Waugh

I couldn’t be less interested. 

Me neither.

It’s just “not interesting”. 

I haven’t met anyone who gives a monkey’s…With the recession and everything. 

And the cuts…

We’ve all got enough on our plates.

I mean I’m sure she’s awfully nice. 

I’m sure she’s a super girl. 

But-as I was saying to Sarah. Nowadays…  

It’s not relevant, is it?

And the media really ought to wake up and
realise that. 

As a nation, we’ve moved on. We’ve become a lot more democratic and mature… 

I just hope the poor girl knows what she’s letting herself in for. That’s the main thing. When you remember what happened to the mother-in-law… 

She’s lost a bit of weight since her student days, hasn’t she? Remember that picture, the one that “captured the Prince’s heart”?

Heart? Another part of his anatomy entirely, as Libby so rightly pointed out. 

Ha, ha, ha. Well-as I said to Lulu-she was quite a buxom little thing then. 

Whippet thin, she is today. Mind you, I don’t think we need to worry. She looks like a sensible girl. I’ll say that.

A bit, y’know, “doors-to-manual.”

She needs to do something about her hair. 

Oh, I disagree. What sort of thing?

I said to Clemmie, she should really start trying to look more regal.   

Maybe take a couple of inches off. Not too much. Because I do think short hair looks a bit funny with a tiara…

Yes. That is a good point. 

But do you think they love each other?
Maddie thinks it’s a “marriage of convenience”. 

Oh, they adore each other. As I said to Lucy: just seeing the way they gaze at each other. Makes you feel all gooey inside. 

It explains why she agreed to wear that dreadful ring. 

Love conquers all. That’s what Laura was saying. 

Well, Claudia said to Tamsin-and I agree-and in fact I was discussing it with Trisha, who, as you probably know, actually knows Kate Middleton’s sister…

I did know that. 

Well, Trisha was saying that, what with Kate being a commoner, she’s basically going to be thankful for whatever she gets. Cast-off engagement rings very much included.  

She’d better buck up and start breeding. 

Thin as she is, and the big 3-0 just round the corner, I was saying to Teresa, she’s not necessarily going to find it easy.

She lost four-and-a-half pounds since the official announcement. Apparently. It’s what Serena said. And she actually knows the girl who’s actually designing The Dress. 

You mean the Going Away Dress. I think. I actually know her too. Very, very well. And she might be designing it…Tentative inquiries “Have Been Made”, quote unquote…By the way that’s ABSOLUTELY Top Secret! So don’t say it came from me. 

God, no. Anyway, frankly-who would I tell? Hello? Nobody cares.

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