Jungle Diva

'I'm an MP, get me out of here'

Daisy Waugh

Have you seen it?

Certainly not. I can’t stand that programme. Can’t stand any of those public-votey kind of shows. Even my kids can’t stand them any more. God only knows who’s actually watching . . . Is anyone?

I think my cleaner’s watching it. Actually.

Oh. Well. Does she get a vote in this country?

HaHaHa-good question, Soph! I very much doubt it. I think she’s from Bulgaria or something. Poland. Can they vote in the UK?

Probably. They can have babies here after all. Free on the NHS.

Don’t, darling. Don’t start. It’s too early in the a.m. for that sort of thing. 

So you haven’t seen it then?

I’m a Celebrity? N-no. Well, yes, I have-but not really. She’s the blonde one, isn’t she? Oldish. They had her eating bugs before they voted her off the show. Apparently.

I think it’s disgraceful. Personally. She’s meant to be in London, sorting out the mess this country’s got itself into. That’s what we’re paying her for. Not sitting in the jungle, showing off for the benefit of your cleaning lady. 

Had you heard of her? I mean before she did the show?

Of course I had . . . More or less. But anyway the programme’s not aimed at me, is it?

She says she decided to go on the show to encourage people to be more interested in politics. And I happen to think that’s very sensible, Soph. This is a so-called democracy we live in, after all, and I think if we encourage ordinary people to feel involved that’s got to be a good thing. Don’t you think so?

Not really, no.

Well I do. I think she’s a brave lady. I think what she’s doing is actually very important. For “democracy”. And I salute her.

Don’t be ridiculous!

And, by the way, I bet if it was a man people wouldn’t be nearly so dismissive. If it was Boris Johnson in the jungle, they’d be loving it. It’s only because she’s a woman.

I just think it’s inappropriate. For a Member of Parliament. That’s all. Anyway . . . there was that gentleman who licked the milk saucer with Rula Lenska, remember? He was an MP. I certainly didn’t approve of him.

That was completely different. He was very odd . . . Nobody approved of him.

Frankly. I didn’t watch it.

. . . He was trying to get a political message across. That was his justification.

Right. And what was the message?

Well I don’t know. But I still think it’s vital to involve people in the discussion, if we can. And if it means drinking milk in a saucer-you know. So be it. We can’t all be           super-well-educated, Soph. Some people need to be lured into these serious subjects.

Well, I think she should be sacked.

I think you’re being unreasonable. She says she’s doing it because she wants to promote abortion . . . Or, you know, unpromote it . . .  She’s either anti or pro. I can’t remember which.

Ask your cleaner.

HaHaHa! I would, if she spoke English . . .

It’s no joke, Lulu. I think it’s disgusting.  She’s getting paid £40,000 by that TV company, to sit around eating bugs.

Rather her than me.

The fact is, we’re paying her to be in Parliament, casting votes . . . and everything. Doing whatever it is MPs do. Fill in their expense forms . . .

HaHaHa-you’re on fire this morning, Lulu!

. . . Plus she doesn’t need the money anyway, does she? Isn’t she married to a rock star?

No, that’s the other one.

Oh . . . Who was that then?

Louise something.

What’s this one called, then?

Seriously, I’ll have to ask my cleaner . . . I’ve been watching the show and I can never remember . . . Nichi? Mandy? Doreen? Doreen, I think.

And is she Tory or Green or Labour-or    what?


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