Party Lines

I feel sorry for the lot of them. They probably haven’t got a GCSE between them. And they’ve got their private lives plastered all over the papers. They should be given counselling. To help them make the transition.

They should.

They must feel so lonely. So bewildered. 

And then for us all to have to read about it!

It’s none of our business!

My heart breaks for Cheryl. Especially. 

Poor love. She’s got a bit tubby lately. Have you noticed?

It’s humiliating. Everyone knowing…You wonder why these poor girls put themselves through it.

I think a lot of them are lingerie models. 

Cheryl’s not a lingerie model. 

I’m just saying…if I saw one of these multi-millionaire sportsman coming my way, I’d think oo-er, here comes trouble. Slip on a chastity belt. Whereas these poor, silly young girls — often from very poor families and with absolutely zip in the education arena — they get dazzled, don’t they? 

It breaks your heart thinking about it. 

And then there are the John Terry characters…They’ve got girls everywhere, queuing up to hop into bed with them. So they take advantage. And who can blame them? 

Well, that’s right. 

A lot of these girls are lingerie models. Or worse still, Suky, “wannabe” lingerie models! It’s going to go with the territory.

Of course it does. And you can’t blame the boys, really, either. Not really. They have these “girls” (I use the word advisedly). 

“Lingerie Models.” 

Hanging around with no knickers on…

Or in their lingerie.

What are the guys supposed to do? We’re talking about lads with little or no education and more money than sense. And these ridiculous “girls” all over them.

You have to feel sorry for them. Especially Wayne.

Right! I feel FAR sorrier for Wayne than I do for all the…

Lingerie models. 

A lot of them bring it on themselves. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to be sobbing for Cheryl. But she’s never at home! Of course he’s going to play away. 

I quite fancy John Terry.

Don’t we all?

I quite fancy the Cheryl one, too. What’s he called again?

And now, because of these stupid girls, we’re going to lose the World Cup!

Are we? 

Never mind knocking out Sweden or whatever it is they’re supposed to do. That guy — the manager — whatever he’s called, he should call the players in one by one, and tell them, “You want to play in the World Cup? Well, this’ll keep you focused!” All the players should have their you-know-whats lopped off. 


That would put the WAGS back in their place. 

“Lingerie models,” indeed. 

Not much point taking their knickers off then! Now who’ll pay for their handbags?

Underrated: Abroad

The ravenous longing for the infinite possibilities of “otherwhere”

The king of cakes

"Yuletide revels were designed to see you through the dark days — and how dark they seem today"