Party Lines

AV or Not To V? Daisy Waugh overhears the debate

Of all the things to have a referendum about! What a waste! 

…Has it actually happened yet? Or is it sort of “pending”?

If you’re going to have a referendum — at least have it on something we care about. Like — you know…Europe…

NO! Please! Anything but Europe! Colin’s boring enough on that subject as it is. I said to him last week — Colin, I sometimes wonder if you care more about the bloody EU than you actually care about me! Your own wife!


That shut him up. For a minute.

Every minute counts! To paraphrase Tesco…All right. Never mind Europe. What about…other things. I don’t know…GM food?

I don’t think it exists any more. Does it?

Changing the clocks?

Brilliant! Everyone’s got an opinion on that. 

Everyone’s got the same opinion.

Even better!

Seriously, when you start actually thinking about it, there are so many things we’d all like to have a say on! Stuff we actually agree on!…Inheritance tax…

Ooh — yes!

Airport parking. Cost of. Which is a downright scandal. 

Isn’t it just?


Throw away the key!…

Welfare scroungers…


Bankers’ bonuses —

Actually, I’m going to have to disagree with you on that —

Oh God yes. Sorry. I forgot. Sorry —

Bonuses are actually awarded to bankers — as a part of their salary — I wish people would understand that — And the thing is — I know you probably think I’m only saying it because —

…Weekly rubbish collection?

Oh! 100 per cent with you on that! Have a referendum on rubbish collections any day…I’ll be front of the queue, voting like a mad thing!

We’d all turn out to vote, wouldn’t we?…But all this paperwork — for something no one understands or gives a toss about…Plus you have to ask yourself how much it’s costing…

They should have sent something out with the Census. Don’t you think? Saved a bit of money. Question number 567.2 (b) How many toilets have you got in your house? Question number 567.2 (c) Do you like it up the you-know-what? And if so, how often —


Question number 567.3 Do you support Nick Clegg’s…voting thingie?

…Whatever it is…Get it muddled up with AD and BC…

Do you support it? In fact?

What?…Oh, God knows — AV or Not To V…  Haha…Except I’m beginning to feel terribly sorry for Clegg.

Poor guy looks like he needs a break.

Right. So I’ll vote for his thing. I suppose. Whatever it is. Do you know?

…It’s not AV — I think it’s the other one.

Oh. Rightiho…That then…Has it actually happened yet?…Or is it sort of pending?

Underrated: Abroad

The ravenous longing for the infinite possibilities of “otherwhere”

The king of cakes

"Yuletide revels were designed to see you through the dark days — and how dark they seem today"