Party Lines

Daisy Waugh eavesdrops on the chattering classes

It sounds vaguely sexual, don’t you think?

What does?

“Quantitative Easing.”

Oh. That. Yes, I suppose it does. Terrifying though, really. Isn’t it? That man hasn’t got the faintest idea what he’s playing at.

Doesn’t seem to.

He’s grasping at straws. A bit of VAT here. A bank bail-out there.

Fat cats keeping their pensions.

And that I really do draw the line at.

He’s probably in the Bahamas now, playing a nice round of golf.

And the government does nothing! Stimulus package, my foot. Gordon Brown’s racing around, talking about Milton Keynes like he’s the new Mahatma Gandhi…

But he took it all back on his deathbed.

Who?

That guy…Charlie was banging on about him yesterday when I was trying to watch the Jade Goody thing. Milton W hatnot took it all back on his deathbed.

Of course he did.

There he was, gasping his last breath, he said, “Whatever a government does in a credit crunch or whatever, it must not-do-whatever it was I advised it to do before I was on my deathbed.” Quite funny really…Or quite tragic…I’m not really sure…

Well of course he said that! He was an extremely clever man. But you don’t hear Gordon talking about that, do you? He’s dashing around, using up fossil fuels, making speeches about saving the world. Meanwhile, we’ve got deflation and inflation and “quantitative easing” and God knows what else here at home. Stagnation and hyperinflation.

Flagellation and flatulation.

That’s right. It’s all the same, really. Just different ways of saying we’re buggered.

Ha ha ha.

It’s not funny, Miranda. We’ve got a world economy here collapsing.

Has it? In fact?

I should think it has. Probably. I mean almost certainly. And do you realise what that actually means?

Does anyone?

Because I’ll tell you who doesn’t. Gordon Brown. He thinks it’s all about swapping toys with Barack Obama’s children…And then his wife goes trotting off to fashion week in the world’s worst international credit crunch since the great depression.

She actually looked quite glam in some of those pics though. Did you see?

You don’t seem to realise the world as we know it is…completely different now. We have a prime minister who simply doesn’t understand basic economics.

We should be buying up lots of lovely gold. According to Charlie.

Right. And there’s a sale on at Mulberry’s while you’re at it.

Seriously?

There’s a fine line, you know, between being funny and being downright insensitive. I think you just crossed it, Miranda.

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