Speeding Point Scoring

Listening in on the debate about Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce

Daisy Waugh

Have you ever driven faster than you should on a motorway, Suze?

Hahaha! Do bears do you-know-what in the woods, Lil? What kind of a question is that?

All right. Well then.

It’s not the point, though. He cheated on his wife. And not just the once. He deserves whatever he gets. Frankly. I hope he goes to prison.

For lying about the speeding? Or for cheating on his wife?

Don’t be silly.

I’ve taken Hubby’s points before. Haven’t you? It’s like a marriage tax allowance, really . . . Tim drives faster than me, so  

We’re not talking about Tim. We’re talking about — whatsisname. The fact is he was almost going to be Prime Minister.

No he wasn’t.

Virtually. At one point he was . . . He was trying to be leader of his party. Or something. Which comes to the same thing.

He doesn’t deserve to go to prison though, Suze. Surely!

He should have thought of that. Before he dumped his wife. It’s a lesson . . . to other men who dump their wives . . . if their wives have taken their speeding points . . .

Do you think she loved him?

. . . He made her have an abortion. Apparently.

Yes. If you believe that . . . It was a bit OTT. Wasn’t it? Unnecessary muckraking for a case about speeding points . . .

Absolutely serves him right, Lil. He’s a vile  man. Apparently. That’s what it says in the papers . . .

So do you think she loved him?

I doubt it. When he was so revolting.

Well then!

Mmm? Well then, what?

You’d think she’d be glad to be shot of him.

He’s ever so rich. Didn’t you know? Super-super-wealthy.

But even so  

Anyway the bottom line is, Lil — you can’t just break the law when it suits you. It’s WRONG. Full stop.

Oh come on — you just said — it’s only speeding! I bet you’ve taken points for Nigel.

No. Actually. Thank you Lil. I have not. He has never asked me. And if he did, I would refuse. In no uncertain terms.

Ohhh — really? When it came to it — I bet you would.

Absolutely not.

You’d let him lose his licence? He wouldn’t be able to get to work.

So be it.

You might have to sell the house, move back into town, move the kids out of their schools . . .

I don’t know quite what your point is, Lil. But, as I say — call me old-fashioned if you want, I happen to think it’s wrong to break the law.

Oh for goodness sake! You just said  

And MPs cannot be seen to be above the law. Or their ghastly wives, for that matter. That’s the message we have to get across. In this country.

It all seems a bit extreme. That’s all.

He broke the law  

. . . They broke the law . . .

He should pay the consequences.

So do you think Tim should go to prison?

Tim didn’t have an affair with his secretary, Lil! And he didn’t lie about it, either.

How do you know?

. . . What? Oh my goodness . . .

God — I’m not saying he has or he hasn’t. I’m just saying . . . I think it’s all a big fuss about nothing. And I think it’s a shame . . . Two supposedly intelligent people airing their dirty laundry in our courtrooms.

It’s a disgrace. A national disgrace . . .

Knock their silly, nasty heads together.  Force-feed them a few Findus ponyburgers. And move on. Don’t you think?

. . . I’m guessing you didn’t grow up with ponies, Lil.

What’s that?

But I did, OK? I’m sorry, but that was very insensitive. What if I said “spaniel-burger”, hmm?

Er . . .

It’s not so funny suddenly, is it? I don’t think you can say I’m a person who lacks an SOH Lil  

Oops — I think that’s my mobile . . .

But that simply wasn’t appropriate. Or funny. And sometimes, Lil, I  

Got to take this call Suze. Sorry.

An autumn note

“For many, the end of this uneasy year cannot come quickly enough”

An ordinary killing

Ian Cobain’s book uses the killing of Millar McAllister to paint a meticulous portrait of the Troubles

Greater—not wiser

John Mullan elucidates the genius of Charles Dickens
Search