Boom or Gloom?

Road to recovery or just another Balls-up?

Economy Party Lines

It’s not ALL good, though, is it? It’s more of  a sort of half recovery. That’s what I read somewhere.

You’ve been reading the wrong papers, Jilly. 

Probably, yes! I’ve been staying with my sister in Cornwall. Her hubby’s a terrible old leftie!

Well ignore him! For heaven’s sake. We’re coming out of recession! Finally! What’s not to celebrate?

OK, but there was a chartie thingie which he showed me. I didn’t really understand it, obvs. But it looked a bit like things were looking up for people like us — which is great. But that, you know . . . less affluent people were actually less less-affluent now than they were before . . .

Basic economics, Jilly. Affluent people always lead the way in these things. It’s just how it is. Then comes confidence. Then comes . . . y’know. Trickledown. Jobs and whatnot. And by the way, I suppose you’re including me in the “affluent” group, are you? Because God knows, if you saw my credit card bill this month . . .

All those scrumptious new autumn clothes after the summer hols? Don’t remind me!

The point is, this country is finally getting its backside into gear, Jilly. And yes, life is unfair. And yes, some people have more than others. But we couldn’t go on the way we were.

No.

It was unsustainable. You can’t have something for nothing in this life. And you can’t spend money you haven’t got. That’s what Ed Miliband & Co simply refuse to understand.

I think he’s done something about his adenoids.

Miliband?

He sounds much better. Haven’t you noticed?

I tend to switch over as soon as I see his ugly mug come on the box. So no. I can’t say I have.

He’s actually quite dishy.

Don’t be ridiculous . . .

Seriously.

You may find him dishy, Jilly. And I’d prefer to brush over that. But if he and that idiot Balls were running this country-

Oh God. Now he is truly repellent.

. . . You and I would NOT be bandying about words like “recovery” this afternoon. No siree. We’d still be talking about . . . Y’know . . .

Recession.

That’s right. And say what you will about the coalition —

Mr Clegg seems like a nice chap . . . Bit skinny.

. . . But George Osborne —

No thanks . . . Him and Cameron, both. I’d definitely sleep in the bath.

. . . deserves a bloody ovation. He’s single-handedly hauled this country up by its bootstraps. And God, did we need it . . .

I suppose.

Oh come on, Jilly! You can’t argue with that!

I’m just saying I saw this chart . . .

We had half the country sitting on its backside, claiming benefits. Until Georgie O finally had the gumption to stand up and say to the scroungers “ON YER BIKE!”

Did he? Was that him?

Of course it was! And it’s not easy. When the newspapers go on about Notting Hill and being out of touch and all that. It makes you wonder if those journalists have ever even visited Notting Hill . . . Out of touch, my foot. It’s got more bloody “multi-culture” than Heathrow Airport. Poor little Ollie had his    iPhone snatched last month. One of these   Arab boys came up to him on Oxford Gardens.

Poor Ollie.

It just makes me so MAD. You know? People go on about Notting Hill like it’s another planet. We are not “out of touch”. Thank you. Quite the opposite. I wish we were a bit more out of touch, frankly. In fact, entre nous, we’re seriously thinking of moving.

No! Where to?

Wherever Damian can ski. Basically. We all love skiing so much. We had the estate agents round last week. First time in ages.

And?

Well . . . Enough said. We worked out we could sell up. Buy a little place in the mountains . . .

Bliss!

And with the last severance package and whatnot . . . Damian would never really have to work again. So, ON YER BIKE, Jilly! Eh? Never mind the chart. Get down to Savills asap. And let the good times roll again!