Tiger Mums Vs Yummy Mummies

Who are the better parents?

Modern Life Party Lines

Nobody is going to call me a racist.

Never!

Especially when it comes to the Far-Eastern stroke Asian stroke quote-unquote “Chinese” community. I have the utmost respect for their ancient culture.

Oh, it’s very ancient. Long before Communism. Or whatever. Do you remember that film?

It’s a very rich and ancient culture. All the smart kids are learning Chinese — excuse me, Mandarin — these days. I told my kids — if you don’t get your Mandarin you won’t get anywhere in business. The world’s changed.

It’s where the money is!

And I must say, one thing I do have is the greatest respect for their extraordinary capacity for hard work.

Oh my God they work hard.

. . . Even if they can sometimes — the ladies especially — come across as a bit sort of robot-y and money-grubbing.

A teeny bit unimaginative.

They are unimaginative. It’s why they work so hard. They don’t know what else to do with themselves. And I wouldn’t mind. Really. If people want to spend every hour God sends, crouched over some ghastly spreadsheet, don’t let me stop them!

Hear, hear!

But they impose the same work ethic on their kids! And that’s what gets on my wick. You see their kids trekking into school . . . And they’re carrying their little school bags . . .

It breaks your heart!

And you just know, inside those little school bags they’ve got all their extension homework-for-Brainiacs and it’s going to be 100 per cent perfect.

Poor little things!

And only because they’ve been doing it till midnight, I expect. No telly or anything.

It’s why they’re so small, I should think. The tiger mums don’t give them any time to grow.

Apparently that’s going to change. Like with the Japanese. Something to do with the hormones in Western-style hamburgers.  They’re going to shoot up. The next generation’s going to be amazingly tall.

Oh well, that’s nice.

As I say, I’m no racist. I don’t care how tall they are. But we’ve got enough of these sorts of kids in our schools already. Frankly, I don’t care how much money they bring in. Our kids don’t stand a chance against them. And that’s not fair.

It isn’t. No.

. . . Chinese absolutely love water.

Really?

It’s a Feng Shui thing. They like living near water. So — what I’m hinting at, Jilly — if you’ve got a property close to water, you’re laughing. Literally.

I haven’t. Have you?

Annoyingly not.

. . . But people in Putney for example . . .

You said it! And I’ll I give you one guess as to who lives in Putney.

Tara and Nige?

Only our Deputy Prime Minister! . . . Smell a rat yet?

Ooh . . .

Somebody should do a Google search. Find out exactly how many of these MPs suddenly oh-so-keen on the Far-Eastern stroke Asian stroke quote-unquote “Chinese” community coming over here . . .

Can we say “Oriental”?

Hmm?

As in “from the Orient”?

Probably not. Sounds like “ornamental”. And that has sexist connotations. Seriously, I think we should expose them. You know? Our kids are getting Chinese tiger-mummed out of their own education systems! Just so a bunch of greedy MPs can turn a bob on their waterside properties. It’s a scandal.

There’s a mum at school. I think she’s a reporter  or something. Next time I see her I’m going to tell her to jolly well look into it.

George Osborne probably has his constituency down at Rock. Or something.

I bet.

And we all know Boris give-them-all-visas Johnson adores the water.

Does he?

Why wouldn’t he?

Good point.

I think we’re on to something, Jilly. Something big. Fancy a coffee? We could get cracking on it. Do some research.

Pilates!

Oh. Shame.