SamCam or Sarah?

Daisy Waugh eavesdrops on the great debate

Modern Life Party Lines Satire

I just think she’s incredibly brave. 

That’s the main thing about her. Isn’t it?

That, and the fact she isn’t Cherie.

Well, yes. Sarah Brown’s not so bad. She’s brave, too. You have to admire her for that.

She is. Yes. I suppose. But she’s got those awful legs.

Apparently, she’s superbrainy too. 

Sam? Oh God, she’s a star! Really, really bright. You can tell it straight away. 

No, Sarah Brown.

What? Oh. Well — and much good it’s done her, Kitty! Frankly. Or her ghastly husband, come to that. She’s like a sort of spinster schoolmistress. Don’t you think? 

She is a bit. Or someone’s old-fashioned English nanny. 

Yes! She dresses like one too, Kitty! She dresses like Nanny McPhee. I see her at all those fashion shows and I want to scream! Get out of the picture, you big, big…Nanny McPhee! You’re disgracing the whole country!

Ooh. That’s a bit harsh, Dinny. We can’t all look like Kate Moss.

But we can try! Or failing that, we can stay away from London Fashion Week! She’s not even trying.

I think she’s very brave.

Remember how Cherie used to wear those hideous jackets to hide her lorry-sized bum? 

Cherie’s a bit of a brainbox too, isn’t she?

If you say so. I’ve never actually seen any evidence myself.

She famously is.

Sam’s terribly bright. You can see it. As soon as she walks in the room. Plus, she’s FUN! D’you know what I mean? She’s a Real Girl! A Girl’s Girl!

That’s nice.

What I call a Proper Person…And SO BRAVE. That’s the thing.

I can’t even bear to imagine…

She’s lost a lot of weight, though. I said to her — Sam, I know it’s been tough, but you’re looking GREAT! 

Did you?

I think she was quite pleased. Because people don’t normally say that sort of thing. Do they? They feel it’s not right somehow. But she is! I saw her last week. Back in her jeans again! She’s looking F-A-B!

I read somewhere she’s not very interested in politics. Which seems a bit strange…

Kitty, she can’t stand it! That’s what I mean when I say she’s a Proper Girl. She can’t STAND all the politics stuff. That’s what she said to me. That’s why I love her. Plus…you know? Turning up at the Conference for
David…That was…

Amazing. I don’t know how she did it. And when he was talking about — time standing still…And she managed to just sort of sit there. With all the cameras on her. You know? I have to say… 

That was the day, wasn’t it? Yes it was. Christ. M&S! That bloody dress’ll probably give her nightmares the rest of her life. But that’s what I’m getting at, Kitty. That’s SamCam for you all over! Courage — beyond the call of the duty…I wouldn’t have been seen dead in it. Would you? Not for all the votes in bloody China.