“Audrey the Audi must go and I have to buy a nice four-door runaround. It’s just like my election dilemma—if not Audrey, who?”
“Wales was every bit as foreign to my eyes as navigating an archipelago or dropping into a dinghy to visit a frigatebird”
‘I’m an actress, Ed, and I am often commended for my timing. Frankly, my dear, yours sucks’
‘There was a waiting room inside for all Speed Awareness miscreants and it resembled a clinic for sexually transmitted diseases’
“Carnage on the beach because they have their Iron Dome.” For this read: “Not enough Jews dead!
‘The first generation sweats on market stalls to give their kids the education that enables them, ultimately, to patronise their parents’
‘I’ve recently let my hair go grey. It meant allowing years of highlights, lowlights and serial pigment abuse to fade into the palette of a catalogue from The White Company’
‘I know that my obituary will read “Lipman Gets Cut Off”, but I honestly thought the BT ‘ology commercials were toasted bagels-until Nigel Farage brought it all back’