Maureen Lipman

‘My own red carpet days have long since mutated into brown lino nights, but looking back at the times I borrowed a designer frock for a nomination, I usually spent the evening feeling faintly immoral’

“Martin? Me again, I got cut off. No, still on the train. Just past Milton Keynes.”

Cursed by a name

Right, volunteers and activists, gents, ladies and genderfluids, settle down and listen up!

‘I’ve decided against taking the Medea job. It was a really hard decision but in the end I felt the part should go to an actress— sorry an actor, of either sex obviously — who really had eaten her children’

‘It’s just with regard to, like, discussion about anti-Semitism . . . well, I just keep thinking one thing. Why is it always them?’

The radical Jewdas Haggadah provides a rag-week version of the Passover ceremony for pubescent Marxists

‘Sometimes I would just like to be a mere citizen — an actress, not a Jewish actress’

“The unthinkable is happening. The thrice-married, terrorist-sympathising, absolver of anti-Semites, 500-time voter against his own party, refusenik of anthem and servicemen tributes, utterly unproven Jeremy Corbyn will become our next Prime Minister”

“If this man makes America great again, I will eat a sombrero”