Maureen Lipman

Maureen Lipman

‘My own red carpet days have long since mutated into brown lino nights, but looking back at the times I borrowed a designer frock for a nomination, I usually spent the evening feeling faintly immoral’

“Martin? Me again, I got cut off. No, still on the train. Just past Milton Keynes.”

Right, volunteers and activists, gents, ladies and genderfluids, settle down and listen up!

‘I’ve decided against taking the Medea job. It was a really hard decision but in the end I felt the part should go to an actress— sorry an actor, of either sex obviously — who really had eaten her children’

‘It’s just with regard to, like, discussion about anti-Semitism . . . well, I just keep thinking one thing. Why is it always them?’

The radical Jewdas Haggadah provides a rag-week version of the Passover ceremony for pubescent Marxists

‘Sometimes I would just like to be a mere citizen — an actress, not a Jewish actress’

“The unthinkable is happening. The thrice-married, terrorist-sympathising, absolver of anti-Semites, 500-time voter against his own party, refusenik of anthem and servicemen tributes, utterly unproven Jeremy Corbyn will become our next Prime Minister”

“If this man makes America great again, I will eat a sombrero”