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Party Lines
October 2008

My heart goes out to these kids. Because they're probably lovely kids underneath it all.

But then they get hold of these knives. And, you know, peer pressure and everything. They don't stand a chance on their own. They desperately need help.

Personally, I blame the parents.

Don't we all? I must say Cameron's very good on that.

Mmm, I bet. Lovely Dave. Love Dave.
So what does sexy Dave have to say about it then?

Well, he says it's all about taking responsibility. People have got to take responsibility.

You see? God, he's so right!

It's all very well being fat and violent and what-not, all these sorts of things - but how about, you know, walking to the chip shop just for once, instead of taking the ruddy bus? Or how about saying NO! to that pack of Monster Munch crisps and picking up a nice apple instead. How about that? Hm?

Brilliant! Trouble is, people - I mean people if you know what I mean — they don't want to listen. Look at Jamie Oliver's school dinners. The mums were feeding the kids chips through the school railings!

The problem is, they pop out these wretched kids, one after the other, and I'm not saying anything about, you know, about living on welfare. I'm not saying that. It's too easy. But half the time you can't see the dads for dust. Meanwhile the mums are lounging around watching TV all day. Drunk, most probably. And nobody's got a clue what the kids are up to. I don't want to sound awful -

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