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Party Lines
November 2011

Call me crazy. Or "racist". Or whatever. But, no, thank you very much — I do NOT want a bunch of thieving Romanian gyppos at the bottom of my drive. Frankly. Do you?

Never mind our so-called human rights. It's the thieving gyppos' "human rights" which always have to come first...

Why isn't it my "human right" not to have thieving gyppos at the end of my drive? That's what I simply cannot understand.

Oh my God — you haven't got them, have you?

Ha ha. God, no. In Fulham? Don't be ridiculous. I'm just saying...Excuse me, but is it my so-called human right to eat this great big chocolate bar? Just because I want to. Even though it's going to make me fat.

What?

I'm just saying — this whole human rights thing. It's a scam, isn't it?

But what's chocolate — ?

I'm just saying: in the inimitable words of Sir Michael, aka Mick, Jagger —

No! Did they make him a Sir? When?

"You can't always get what you want."

When did they do that, then? I knew it was Sir Paul...It's been Sir Paul for ages. But Sir Mick? Sounds a bit funny, doesn't it?

The Human Rights culture. It's like the Blame culture...In a way....the Something-For-Nothing culture. The "work-shy" culture. All these sorts of "cultures"...

I agree.

We've got terrorists — terrorists, Tilly — claiming they've got cats. Thanks to the Human Rights Act. Which prevents them from going home and getting executed. Or whatever.

It doesn't make any sense.

You can't argue with that...Meanwhile our kids are at risk! Every day! I send my kids out the front door — on to the trampoline. For example. I don't even know if I'm ever going to see them again! We're living on a knife edge —

Oh — well, you need to get one of those safety nets. They're brilliant —

I'm not — that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying — in a country that actively harbours terrorists — the trampoline's probably the safest place for them. I won't let mine on the Underground. No way. Not any more. In fact — public transport is out. O.U.T.

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